sarc.

a list of products I would like to see Apple and Steve Jobs create:

The iBra- (not to be confused with the iBrah, a frat brother who reeks of miller high life and relies on his fellow frat buddies to boost his ego with fist bumps and the occasional assistance with a keg stand when not just anyone with gigantic pecks and an over inflated ego will do)

No. The iBra would allow the user to enlarge things with nothing more than the use of 2 fingers. This would prove most useful right before a first date, or that rare occasion when the only thing keeping you from getting free drinks is the size of your breasts in comparison to the bimbo next to you. You see where I’m going with this?

Next; the iDo. A bot, who can and will be willing to take your place if and when you decide that your marriage is no longer working for you, and the parties involved. Just a simple bot really, only requires the occasional credit card, and a bottle of Vodka to keep her functioning. She’s like you, only less resistant to change. She also does diapers, and cleans the house. She’s esentially you. Only happier.

For those with children, I present the iDon’tknow. This is not so much an item, but more of an answer in response to such things as, Who hit your sister? Who shaved the cat? Why is there paint on my new Macbook? This will more or less allow you the time necessary to think of an adequate punishment when the usual, go to your room and think about what you’ve done, just won’t cut it.

And lastly we have the iOftheTiger. This is a motivational application that be used to enhance daily desire to go on living. Think of it as a musical soundtrack that plays at that moment when you feel defeated and you can no longer go on. It won’t make things any better, but it will give you a beat to move to when you feel the need to run away from your problems. And RUN, you will.

These products should be available just about the time Stever Jobs invests in another ensemble that doesn’t consist of a black turtle neck and Levis 501 Jeans.

So. Yeah. Never.