May 2012
Every body put your heads down on your desk. No...
• I always used to vote for the ropes in gym class instead of the parachutes because my friend who was clearly smarter than be about life in general, told me sliding down the ropes made her feel funny inside and I didn’t know what that meant but I never felt funny inside after sliding down them I only got serious rope burn on my legs and had to put cream on them.
• Heads up 7 up is the...
if you don't know- now you know.
I like to do fun fact friday every Friday but I will be out of touch with everything this Friday so here are some fun facts about things I think and feel and do. Read or don’t.
DO WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO GOSH.
as much as I like to use salty language when I write, I don’t ever cuss around my kids or people in general. Unless it’s a tweet up because that’s just what you...
You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha...
• I’ve been dumped by more girls than I have guys. I’m somewhat skeptical of all relationships because of this. Also most girls suck.
• Polka dot polka dot polka dot Afro.
• I would do anything for an old truck with a camper shell that I could sleep in.
• Most people don’t know how much of my youth was spent immersed in scripture. There’s way more existential stuff...
How bout it Eve- Can he *skate* around your block?
No.
• A man at Walmart today (I have so many stories that start like this I have to stop going to Walmart)- approached me at my car and was like “Hey my daughter used to have a mustang but then she got shot in the head with a rifle but she didn’t die nice car!” and I didn’t know what to say besides what in the actual fuck? But I said sorry about your daughter okay bye. People are insane.
•. I...
To do nothing at all is the most difficult thing...
Today I did nothing-
I didn’t take a picture of the sun
I didn’t listen to a song I felt like posting
I didn’t get inspired by an inspirational quote.
I didn’t tweet
I didn’t end world hunger
I didn’t get married
I didn’t eat food that should be photographed
I didn’t run a marathon
I didn’t get followed by someone cool on Twitter
I...
Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make...
I really want to ride my bike all over today to run my errands but I live on a military post and I have to wear a helmet and I want to look like a cute girl in a sundress riding her classic bike not like Stewart from MAD TV but I’m not cute and I don’t have a sundress so I guess I’ll just walk. But I already licked it.
I saw a dude in a vintage Impala today and when I got done...
I've never been with a person who doesn't know...
this has been an awful confession.
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“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe,...”
– -Marilyn Monroe.
Who probably would have been HUGE on Tumblr.
Or like a size 12.
If No one lived to tell the tale, how does the...
Working hard or hardly working? No.
Absolutes in anything, I feel, is dangerous. Whether it’s religion, science, or politics. Absolute Vodka in anything, is, however delicious.
The stereotype that Stay at Home Mom’s just wear sweat pants, eat chocolate and sit around refreshing Facebook all day while watching day time television is ludicrous. They are yoga pants, I drink diet coke,...
Anonymous asked: I always get excited when you post a fun list of silly observations and thoughts. This most recent one is extra awesome because it is accompanied by a picture of a hot girl.
I woke up at 5am in an effort to be productive...
• Googled Fabio getting hit by a bird
• laughed hysterically for 6-7 minutes.
• Googled does Fabio get sad
• still laughing
• poured a bowl of cereal then remembered I can’t eat cereal
• tried to get the cat to drink the milk
• showed the cat the pictures of Fabio getting hit by a bird
• realized cats are stupid
• drove to Walmart with the top down singing foo fighters
• showed some...
Okay here's the deal. I have a hangover. Who knows...
• I wasn’t drunk yesterday but based on the text messages I received during the night, most of the world was.
• I’m getting a hair cut today despite what everyone in my life says. I’m not doing anything drastic but my ends are so split they make most Hollywood divorces look civil.
• Sometimes I worry about the stuff I put on the Internet and consider engulfing my blog in...
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You'd be really pretty if you were prettier.
Yes that’s a tweet, but I’m putting it here because I really have opinions about people who think saying you’d be really pretty if you lost weight, you’d be really pretty if you didn’t have your face, all of it annoys me. Essentially if you can’t say, You’re really pretty just the way you are, you are insulting someone. End of story.
That Time cover...